Author Adelaide Green

It’s nearing four years since you left us.

I thought this year would somehow be easier.

With more time, more space, that it would have to equal less pain.

But somehow it hurts still, more even.

I remember less.

Less of how your voice sounded.

Less of what your hugs felt like.

With time goes some of the things I loved the most.

The way you said I love you moro.

The way you held me when the world around me crumbled.

I have lost those things and I can’t seem to find them.

I look and I look. I try and I try.

They evade me.

Before you left us you told me you were worried about being forgotten.

You are one thing I cannot forget. I remember your smile, the crease of your eyes.

I remember your big belly laugh. The way you always knew what to say.

You listened more than you spoke. You smiled more than you frowned.

I learned so much for you and I know I am lucky to have had you at all.

But I will never not miss you. I will never not wish you were here.

Birthday’s pass, the boy’s grow and ask more questions about you and it hurts more to think of how much you wanted a boy. Five girls in and you were hopeful. You got grandson’s you don’t get to enjoy.

Even through the knowing. Knowing I am lucky I can’t help but feel sad this month.

You are the thing I miss most in my life. I love you moro.