Author Adelaide Green

I’ve been thinking about “Three words, eight letters, say it and I’m yours.” Growing up I thought that this was what changed our lives. Love. Loving someone. The proclamation of love. This is when and how my life would change. Turns out there is one word 6 letters that had a bigger impact on my life. “Cancer.”

My father passed a little over 11 months ago from stage four esophageal cancer. I found out he had cancer when I was pregnant with my second son who is now 2.5. I wasn’t allowed to travel because I had HG and was so sick my OB wouldn’t allow me to fly. I laid at home, away from my father barely able to move. That one word constantly playing through my mind.

When he passed my world stopped. We had all been there. He died at home. Last December he had lost his ability to walk and they removed a tumor in his spine. While he was rehabbing and trying to relearn how to walk he took a turn for the worse and he died. I will never forget the way his breath sounded. Labored, loud. The rattling sounded like there was no way it was coming from a person.

Here I am. Today My uncle just died. He had cancer as well. He was nearing the end and they had decided to try a new trial. He died choking on medicine they gave him to see if he was able to to do the trial. HIs outlook had been bleak for months and he had also been told like my father had been that the chemo wasn’t working anymore. So like my father he reached out to a trial. I had worried for him. My father believed keytruda would save him and I believe it killed him faster and now my uncle on the day he got tested for a trial he died, bad luck.

It’s hard for me to even process, how I feel, what I feel. So here I am. Writing. Always writing. But I can’t find the words.

Cancer

One word, six letters

Not a death sentence for all but for some

it’s a death word.